Date: May 20th 2022

This week’s parsha, Parshas Behar, relates numerous laws that govern the relationship between a Jew and his Jewish indentured servant. The pasuk (Vayikra 25:39) states that a man should not ask his indentured servant to perform any task which is considered ‘slave labor’. The sages explained that this is a reference to work which is demeaning to the person such as walking before his master on the way to the bathhouse and carrying his clothing for him or putting his shoes on for him.

One of the reasons the Sefer Hachinuch (mitzva 344) gives for this mitzvah is that when a person reflects on this prohibition, he will come to recognize the greatness of the Jewish nation and that they are the most honored of all people in the eyes of Hashem and ‘through this he will come to love his nation…’. When a person relates to his servant in this fashion, he perceives that, although the man’s station in life is to be his servant, he is so deeply imbued with the loftiness of the nation of Yisroel that Hashem forbids him to assign a demeaning task. Even a task so simple as carrying his towel for him which would be well within the job description of a typical indentured servant. Although a servant he may be, his servant’s greatness is inherent and his place as a member in the holiest of nations is immutable. This appreciation for the honor he is required to show his servant because he is a Jew will bring about feelings of love for all Jews.

A careful reading of this text gives rise to the following conclusion. The Chinuch speaks of the connection between respect and love, and he understands that when one truly appreciates the value in a person or group, perforce he will come to love them. Why is this so? Could it not be that one could have deep respect for another, and that emotion would function independently of feelings of love?
The Chinuch is illuminating for us a great secret and foundational understanding of the development of love between people. He teaches us that there is a strong connection which leads from respect to love and that, under normal circumstances, respect for another has the effect of inducing love for them.*

POSSIBLE APPLICATION

There are endless applications of this principle, that respect leads to love, that we can apply to our daily lives. The simplest and most obvious example would be in the relationships between husband and wife.

Marital relationships are a constant challenge. While there are many methods and techniques offered by relationship books and therapists to help improve relationships, these interventions are generally geared toward enhancing external interactions rather than building on the underlying strength of the relationship. Commonly recommended interventions consist of prescribed methods of communication, conflict resolution protocols, scheduled quality time together, and other similar exercises. While these suggestions are helpful and it is indeed important for a couple to spend time together when they are not just performing utilitarian functions, these experiences do not actually increase the quantity or quality of love the couple have for each other on a deeper level.

The Torah gives us a powerful way to expand our genuine love for one another- building and focusing on respect. When we appreciate the value and specialness and exceptional qualities of another person, when we respect them for who they are, that is the verdant garden where true love grows.

This concept works the other way as well. If we want to grow the love in our marriages we have to strive to behave in ways that will garner the respect of our spouse.

A further lesson we learn from this chazal is that a method of increasing our respect for another person is by focusing on how we treat them. When we treat our indentured servant with dignity, our respect for him, (and thereby our love for him) grows. A couple that wants to work on their marriage on a deeper, more enduring level can work on treating each other greater respect and dignity. This will enhance their actual feelings of respect for each other and that will thereby deepen their love for one another.



*It is true that often a person can respect someone or a group of people and never come to love them. However, this can be the result of other factors that impede the natural process of the human emotional response.



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