Date: July 29th 2022

As their 40 year sojourn in the desert drew to a close, the Jews encamped in what is now the country of Jordan. They had just successfully completed several military campaigns in the lands to the east of the Jordan and were preparing to cross the river into the land of Israel. The tribes of Ruvain, Gad, and half of Menashe possessed a great deal of livestock, and the land east of the Jordan River was particularly well suited to grazing. They felt that those lands were ideal for their needs and collectively approached Moshe to ask if they could settle there instead of entering the Land with the rest of the Jews.

At first, Moshe responded harshly to this request because it had the potential to weaken the entire enterprise of conquering the land of Israel. It was also improper for the two and a half tribes to occupy land that was conquered with the aid of the other tribes and not reciprocate by assisting them in the conquest for the lands on the other side of the Jordan. Thus began the negotiation for the two and a half tribes to acquire the lands of Trans-Jordan for themselves.

In the end both sides agreed that Reuvain, Gad and half of Menashe would be entitled to the lands they wanted if they would agree to help conquer the rest of Israel with all the other tribes. The final point of contention upon which they could not agree was whether they should be entitled to the Trans-Jordan right away or if they should only get full possession of the land once the process of acquiring and dividing the land of Israel proper was complete.

In verses 28-30 the Torah states that Moshe commanded Elazar, Yehoshua, and the heads of the other tribes that Reuvain, Gad, and half of Menashe should only receive the Trans-Jordan after they joined the conquest. However, in Verse 32 the Torah states: “Moshe gave to them—to the tribe of Gad, to the tribe of Reuvein and to half the tribe of Menashe son of Yosef—the empire of Sichon, king of the Emorites and the empire of Og, king of the Bashan, the land along with the cities within their borders, even the cities of the surrounding land.”

The commentary of the Sforno explains that although Moshe’s final word was that the two and a half tribes were to wait until after the conquest of Canaan was complete, he saw that they were not able to accept his stance and he changed his position. He awarded them those lands up front in order to avoid having a dispute with them.

If we examine this episode through the eyes of the Sforno we see that after the negotiation Moshe was clear about his ruling, yet in the end he capitulated to their request to take possession of the lands immediately. There is no mention of any doubt of his conviction nor any basis for reconsideration of their position. The Sforno states clearly that the entire reason Moshe gave them the land was to prevent machlokes, to avoid a dispute.

Moshe was the greatest and wisest of men. He was the greatest prophet ever and understood Hashem’s will more clearly than any other man. This point is borne out by the Ramban (32:31). The Torah relates the response of the tribes of Gad and Reuvain – “That which Hashem has commanded your servant, so shall we do.” The Ramban explains that even though earlier they referred to his comments as the ‘words of our master,’ here they were acknowledging that the words of Moshe were the words of Hashem.

Moshe had both the right and the power to force his will upon the tribes. He also had the certitude that his decision in this matter was 100% the right thing to do and was in line with the will of Hashem. What Moshe also understood was that for the sake of peace you sometimes have to agree to something even though it is completely wrong.

We often think of compromise as something that is appropriate in a situation where there is a grey area that two sides are in disagreement over. When each side has its own interests and perspectives and believes it is in the right, the best option is to meet somewhere in the middle. The Sforno is telling us that priority of peace extends far beyond that type of example. Even in a situation where one is absolutely certain of the rectitude of his position, with authoritative third party corroboration, in a decision affecting millions of people, the correct decision may be to take the side that is absolutely wrong in favor of maintaining peace.

There are many conflicts we find ourselves in throughout the course of our lives, small and large, with our family members and with others. These conflicts are always rooted in our opinion or conviction about the matter at hand. One way that we might reorient our perspective in light of this chazal is that we view every conflict as having not two but three sides. There is my position and opinion on what ought to happen, or perhaps what has already happened. Then there is the other side that disagrees with me about this subject. And now we understand that there is also a third side which is the side of peace- the resolution of the disagreement or conflict that will result in the most peace. Moshe understood that this last priority was the best conclusion of the situation even though he had ruach hakodesh telling him that his initial position was correct. How much more so in our own lives and relationships and situations, where we certainly don’t have ruach hakodesh telling us
we’re right in our position, and the stakes are not the settlement of the Land of Israel after the exodus, we must put the priority of shalom, of peace, in its proper and preeminent place in our hierarchy of desirable outcomes.

A common example that comes to mind that illustrates the point we are making are the arguments surrounding wedding arrangements and general interactions between the two in-law sides involving the new couple. These can consist of who should walk down at the chuppah, what kind of flowers should be used, where and when should the wedding be, and who should be allowed to invite how many guests, where the new couple should go for Shabbos or yomtov, who should pay for what, etc. I have personally seen these mostly petty disagreements create enmity between the two sides that never truly goes away and even significantly harms the marriage of the new couple. When we become embroiled in these kinds of disagreements, we get very focused on the fact that we’re right about whatever the disagreement is. And perhaps we are. But peace is a better thing to be right about than being right, as per Moses, and this certainly holds true even when it involves being mochel on money or kavod.


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