Date: August 26th 2022

PARSHAS REEH – UNRECOGNIZED HATREDS


Parshas Re’eh (13, 7) contains a series of cautionary verses that were addressed to the Jews to guard against inducement to idol worship. In (13,7) there is a unique formulation of this warning - a person should be extra careful to guard against being enticed to worship avoda zara by his maternal brother.

The Gemara (Kiddushin 80b) asks, what about a brother from the father? Shouldn’t one take equal precautions to guard against his inducement to avoda zara as well? Why was the Torah’s warning only directed at the temptation posed by a brother through their mother?

The Gemara answers that brothers from a father have less ability to influence each other because they harbor a measure of hatred for each other. Rashi explains that this hatred stems for the fact that since inheritance according to halachah goes by the father, a paternal brother reduces one’s inheritance whereas a maternal brother does not. The Torah, therefore, cautioned to be especially wary guarding against a negative influence coming a maternal brother where the brotherly love is more pure.

At first glance this seems counterintuitive. This would seem to apply even in a wholesome family and in a situation where there is not a very large estate that the children may be competing for. In the complex landscape of sibling relationships, should the dynamic of shared inheritance that may be decades in the future play such a significant role? A brother is one of the closest natural relationships that exist. So much so that there a unique expression called ‘brotherly love’ to describe it.
Although there may be many factors that go into any relationship, especially that of close family, the Torah is giving us a general guideline that there is a fundamental difference between a maternal and a paternal brother. Apparently, there is a subtle yet very important difference between a maternal brother and a paternal brother that stems from the presence or lack of conflicting economic interests. Despite being an undetermined and potentially small amount of money that is not relevant until many years later, this difference redefines the sense of closeness in the relationship to such an extent that it is considered a completely different classification of emotional intimacy. As a result, the potential influence they have on each other in one case is significantly higher than in the other.

As a practical matter, we often follow common secular practice when it comes to inheritance and the dynamic described in Parshas Re’eh might not presently exist. However, the idea is nonetheless very applicable to all human relationships. People tend to view the nature and quality of relationships in general terms. While we might even be aware of complexities in our feelings, we often assume that the overall situation is what defines the relationship. The Torah, however, understands the profundities of human thoughts and emotions. It teaches that even when there is a strong and loving bond between two individuals, at the very same time there can reside a small and perhaps unconscious measure of hatred toward each other. In the garden of human emotions such opposing and seemingly contradictory feelings can not only coexist but the presence of one does not negate the impact of the other.
Having a proper understanding of this aspect of the human condition has a tremendous impact on one’s ability to understand themselves, their relationships with others, and how they act or react in many areas of life. If a person is unaware of how easily a conflicting emotion can exist within them, they may be blind to its presence and therefore be unable to deal with it at all. Without this awareness, an individual confronted with their own negative feelings toward a loved one may feel a sense of shame associated with the emotion and either suppress or deny it. Another way that this misguided understanding can impact relationships is that someone in a close and loving relationship can take their goodwill for granted and negate the impact of their mistakes or shortcomings on the fabric of their relationship. With the proper perspective, we will be aware that even in the best of relationships everything we do or say counts and a negative feeling can produce a feeling of actual
hatred. However small it may be, that hatred not only can live within the relationship, but it can have a significant impact on it as well.


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